12 reasons that same-sex marriage will ruin society!
Friday, May 16th, 2008And also in honor of the recent victory for gay rights in California, I think it’s about time I reposted the 12 reasons that gay marriage is going to RUIN SOCIETY.
1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control are not natural.
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people cannot get legally married because the world needs more children.
3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children because straight parents only raise straight children.
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears’s 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and it hasn’t changed at all: women are property, Blacks can’t marry Whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. Gay marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of minorities.
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are always imposed on the entire country. That’s why we only have one religion in America.
8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people makes you tall.
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage license.
10. Children can never succeed without both male and female role models at home. That’s why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven’t adapted to cars or longer lifespans.
12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a “separate but equal” institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages will for gays & lesbians.
Tags: Funny, Gays and Lesbians
3 Responses to “12 reasons that same-sex marriage will ruin society!”
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Adam says:
June 7th, 2008 at 6:17 pmok,
1. eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control are all inventions, homosexuality is not.
2. Infertile couples and old people at least function in the way to produce children; homos don’t.
3. Maybe all straight couples don’t raise straight children, but 90% of their children are. so therefore 90% of gay couples’ children will be gay too.
4. Who said britney spears is the epidemy of straight marriage? good one.
5. The bottom line is, this country was founded on heterosexuality.
6. I don’t agree with
7. Show me one religion that supports gay marriage.
8. This is the dumbest one of all. Hanging around tall people and becoming tall is a physical impossibility. Hanging around gay people and becoming gay is not.
9. No one is going to marry a dog
10. That one is just a dumb argument on the straight side
11. Another dumb straight argument, i’ll give you that
12. I don’t agree with 12
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1. eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control are all inventions, homosexuality is not.
You’re absolutely right. Homosexuality is not an invention, it is a natural part of the human condition. All the more reason to accept it.
2. Infertile couples and old people at least function in the way to produce children; homos don’t.
Yes, who cares if they can’t ovulate or their tubes are tied? They put penises in vaginas, and that’s all that matters. People who put penises in anuses are so scary and confusing, aren’t they?
3. Maybe all straight couples don’t raise straight children, but 90% of their children are. so therefore 90% of gay couples’ children will be gay too.
Citations showing that children of gay parents are no more likely to grow up gay:
Golombok, Spencer, & Rutter, Children in Lesbian and Single-Parent Households: Psychosexual and Psychiatric Appraisal, 24, J. Child Psychology and Psychiatry 551, 568 (1983)
Green, The Best Interests of a Child with a Lesbian Mother, 10 Bull. Am. Acad. Psychiatry and Law, 7, 13, (1982)
Green, Mandel, Hotveldt, Gray, & Smith, Lesbian Mothers and Their Children: A Comparison with Solo Parent Heterosexual Mothers and Their Children, 15 Archives Sexual Behav., 167, 181 (1986)
Kirkpatrick, Smith, and Roy, Lesbian Mothers and their Children: A Comparative Survey, 51 Am. J. Orthopsychiatry 545, 551 (1981)
Bozett, Children of Gay Fathers, in Gay and Lesbian Parents, F. Bozett ed. (1987)
(source)
Food for thought: If all children learned the “correct” way to have sex from their parents, why would hetero parents ever produce gay children?
4. Who said britney spears is the epidemy of straight marriage? good one.
And if Britney Spears can’t Destroy Marriage As We Know It (despite her best efforts), what makes you think the gay people are going to?
5. The bottom line is, this country was founded on heterosexuality.
I wasn’t aware the constitution said anything about heterosexual sex being the only right way to fuck.
7. Show me one religion that supports gay marriage.
Several Christian denominations, Reconstructionist and Reform Jews, Unitarian Universalists, Wiccans, and many Buddhists support gay marriage.
Also, you don’t appear to have gotten the point the first time: The United States is not a theocracy. No religion has any business imposing their views on the rest of us as a matter of government policy. Which means if you want to prevent gay people from getting married, you need to find an actual, secular reason for doing so.
8. This is the dumbest one of all. Hanging around tall people and becoming tall is a physical impossibility. Hanging around gay people and becoming gay is not.
Oh, dear. You mean to tell me that you are actually afraid that you’re going to catch The Gay just from hanging around gay people? I don’t know whether to laugh at you or pity you.
9. No one is going to marry a dog
Tell that to all the redneck homophobes who actually make this argument.
May 16th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Very funny post, love the sarcasm. It’s scary to think there are people who’d agree with this without the sarcasm. So intolerant…
Ted Goas’s last blog post: Praying To Milk Doesn’t Make Your Wish Come True