Shocker: Captive polar bear EATS FISH!

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008

It was just another day at polar bear Knut’s enclosure at the Berlin Zoo. The bear handlers fed Knut his usual lunch of tossed garden salad and a tofu burger. But then… something happened to Knut. He got a strange, frightening look in his eyes. A… feral look. He walked over to the “Friends of Knut” carp pond, looking like a bear possessed. What happened next shocked passersby to their very core.

“It was horrible!” said an eyewitness. “He just snatched those poor, defenseless fish out of the pond with his teeth!”

“I’ll never be able to come back to this zoo again,” said another zoo visitor with two small children in tow. “I just don’t know how I’m going to explain this to Katie and Mikey.”

Zoo officials are still struggling to make sense of it all. Plans to allow local elementary school children to have a “teddy bear picnic” with Knut are hurriedly being cancelled.