All dieters hate themselves and hate YOU.
Friday, February 8th, 2008This post by Lindsay at BABble has got me thinking about the “Big Fat Clubhouse” again. As I sometimes mention whenever I happen to care, I am losing weight. Call it a “diet”, call it a “lifestyle change”, whatever. It’s no skin off my nose.
Something that really bothers me whenever I wander into the “fatosphere” is that even though I do believe that fat people deserve the same rights and dignity and equal treatment as anyone else, that some people really can’t/shouldn’t lose weight and that nobody should be forced or coerced onto a diet just to satisfy other people’s notions of what they “should” look like or what size they “should” wear, the fact that I am losing weight inevitably marks me as the sworn enemy of everyone there, whether I want to be or not, whether I think I am or not.
The standard FA response to this is (as Lindsay says):
Actively seeking weight loss flies in the face of fat acceptance. You cannot say “i love myself for who i am” on one hand and then on the other hand say “i’ll love myself more after i’ve lost weight.” These two things are mutually exclusive on a personal level. Unconditional love cannot exist with conditionals and caveats; that’s kinda why it’s called unconditional. On a social/political level, dieting and fat acceptance are even more incompatible - you cannot accept something and want to get rid of it at the same time.
That being said, you are welcome to diet if you so choose. We are not going to stop you, but we also have no interest in being your cheerleaders. Some people are more outspoken about this than others.
There are two assumptions lurking behind this, though.
- ALL dieters are dieting because they hate their fat bodies, or otherwise think they are unacceptable or will become more “acceptable” after they somehow obtain a thin body. (And, often, ALL dieters are mindlessly pursuing a size 0/2/4, without any regard at all for their body type or their health.) Furthermore, since they hate their fat body, they obviously hate ALL fat bodies, and the people who live in them.
- The reason dieters sometimes come into FA spaces and freak out about the anti-dieting attitude is because they crave validation from everywhere and everyone, all the time. They will never be happy unless everyone in the world “converts” to THEIR diet and showers them with praise and adulation for dieting.
(I’m not saying that Lindsay in particular believes these things, I doubt she does, just that people who say things like “you CAN’T love yourself and diet at the same time” and “how dare you come into our clubhouse! can’t you get it through your head that we don’t want to be your personal diet cheerleaders?!”, of which there seem to be many in the FA movement, believe these things.)
I can’t speak for all dieters, and I’m quite sure that there are a LOT of people who are determined to wear size 0 come hell or high water, are filled with burning hatred for themselves and anyone who reminds them of themselves, and wants everyone to feed their complexes.
But COME ON. Not everyone who makes a different decision than you has taken complete leave of their senses, you know? (General “you”.)
My body is my body. I can control its size, but I can’t control its shape. As far as that’s concerned, it is what it is, and it will be that way whether I weigh 120 pounds or 180. If I lose weight, I’m not trading in my “real” body for a fake thin one. It’s the same body. It just has less fat on it now. And, I know, the party line is that by failing to accept my fat, I’m failing to accept myself. I don’t quite know what to tell you guys, except that my identity isn’t as wrapped up in my fat as yours seems to be. If you took up a new sport and gained a few pounds of muscle, or lost a few pounds of fat, would accepting your “new” body mean you’re somehow betraying your “old” body? Or is it still your body, just with more muscle and less fat on it? I know what I think.
Me and my body are cool with each other. I don’t like it when my thighs rub together, and I wouldn’t mind having a smaller tummy, but the T&A are A-OK. And tummy flesh is kinda fun to play with. Am I the only person who does that? (It almost makes me a little sad that there’s not as much of it now, to be honest.)
And I really don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks about my diet. Hell, some of the time I don’t even care. It’s been ten months. The novelty has worn off. If I want to talk about it, I’ve got plenty of people I can go to. I’m not sure why some people find the idea of not being starved for attention so hard to believe.
But I keep getting the feeling that some FAs have this need to believe that anyone outside the movement is cuckoo for fat-free, low-carb Cocoa Puffs*, or else the sky will fall down, or everything they believe will be discredited, or… something. And as an atheist, I know what I think about people who freak out about the tiniest little threat to their dogma.
So, I will continue losing weight and wanting equal rights for everybody. And FAs will continue not wanting me anywhere near their clubhouse, but oh well. At least the Evil Atheist Conspiracy** likes me.
*Is it just me, or does anyone else get a little freaked out when diet foods claim to be low/no fat AND low/no carb at the same time? I mean, I know I should get more protein in my diet, but that’s kind of ridiculous.
**There is no Evil Atheist Conspiracy. Pay no attention to the black helicopters.
Tags: Health
3 Responses to “All dieters hate themselves and hate YOU.”
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Instead of accepting the fat, I like the idea of accepting the individual. I don’t want to be identified with my weight any more than I’d want to be identified as a skinny woman. I want to be accepted as myself.
I find it really intensely irritating when someone you haven’t seen in awhile goes on and on about how great you look now that you’ve lost weight. It always gives me the feeling that the only thing they like about me is my size.
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Not that I’m in any danger of being identified as a skinny woman, not for awhile yet.
February 9th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
It’s funny how often this dynamic happens–people who are legitimately oppressed form their own factions (understandable) and a few people within these factions turn out to be just as oppressive and unreasonable as any of the outside “oppressors” ever were to them. I hate when victimhood becomes a substitute for common sense, but alas, it seems to be a common phenomenon. Unfortunately, all too often it’s the extreme positions that get all the press, which ultimately serves to increase rather than decrease unfair discrimination and hostility.