‘Honesty List’ revisited
Thursday, August 30th, 2007Back in May I took an “honesty challenge” and listed ten reasons I wanted to lose weight. I spent most of the first part of this year in a bad place, and my list reflects that. But basically, my list was “health” (high cholesterol), “convenience” times two (difficulty finding clothing and bras), and “vanity” times seven.
Well, the health reason is no more. My cholesterol levels have gone from “yikes” to “normal, keep up the good work”, which officially makes me a Healthy Fat Person. The next time I go clothes shopping, I should be able to shop Petite Miss, not Petite Plus (although this is just a numerical distinction, an artifact of dropping from a 14 to a 12 — it’s not like I’ve been shopping in the “Woman”* section or anything). My belly is no longer its own separate entity, and has re-assimilated into the rest of my body.
* What an asinine, uselessly euphemistic name. Just call it “Plus”, for crying out loud! Or, better, “The Muumuu Section”, because that’s all that’s ever there.
So, what are we left with?
Honesty List, Redux
- Because I would like to someday once again be able to walk into a brick-and-mortar store, try on some bras, and come out with one that fits.
- Because I am vain, and I want to be smaller.
There. There’s your honesty list. Until the cholesterol shoe dropped (and until I tragically outgrew Victoria’s Skeletons), I always thought of my extra weight as “vanity pounds”, nothing more. And it’s not as if I hate my body and want to chop it into little pieces and make it go away. I did feel that way several months ago. But now that the fog has cleared, I look at pictures of myself at/near my highest weight and realize that I am a damn cute fat person. I could rock the “fat chick” look. I just don’t want to.
So, here’s to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Smaller Clothing Sizes.
Tags: Health
9 Responses to “‘Honesty List’ revisited”
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Well well! No question about it, you are indeed — and please forgive my bluntness — a damn cute fat person; you would be damn cute at any weight.
I’m not thrilled with the word “vanity”. There are some senses in which the pejorative connotation makes sense, but the word has been so overused that it has become completely devalued. Why should you feel even the tiniest bit of shame merely because you want to look a particular way, and work to do so?
Not that you yourself are doing so, but it’s not even “vain” — just dumb — to strive for a particular look at the expense of one’s health or other considerations of happiness.
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Thanks, BfB!
re: vanity, in weight loss circles there tends to be a lot of “no, no, I’m not doing this for looks, I’m doing it for my health“, even if they ostensibly are doing it for cosmetic reasons, which feeds into the idea our society has that thinner automatically equals healthier. I feel that I’ve already achieved “healthy”, and I’m not sure what metric I can point to at this point and say “this is a sign of ill health; if I lost more weight I would be healthier”. So I feel it’s more accurate and helpful to subvert the cultural expectation and say “no, I am doing this for looks, and that’s okay.”
Meanwhile, there are also people who actively denounce deliberately losing weight for the sake of appearance, who think that any effort I make beyond “just trying to be healthy” is inherently unhealthy and psychologically disturbed and a sign that I hate myself and hate my body and hate the whole world and am determined to convert everyone to my own personal diet agenda and bring them all down with me. To which I say, “Um, no. You may interpret my interest in my appearance as a personal vice, if you want, but it’s my personal vice, it’s okay that I have it, and it’s none of your business or concern. Furthermore, you’re crazy.”
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Crazy, and stupid, and rude. They’re sticking their nose in your business where it doesn’t belong.
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I think it’s great that you have the ability to be honest with yourself. So many people can’t even be clear in their own heads what their motives are, let alone admit them out loud.
A lot of these people are so adept at fooling themselves they’re not very good at losing weight, either–they tell themselves what they want to hear about how much they’ve eaten that day or whatever. I think the ability to see and say what’s real is a powerful tool for self-improvement. Good for you!
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Thanks, Crabby!
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april says:
September 8th, 2007 at 8:38 pmWow, that was an awesome comment reply. And I think you’re beautiful. Chose whatever weight makes you happy… you’re going to be gorgeous either way!
Great quote:
I feel it’s more accurate and helpful to subvert the cultural expectation and say “no, I am doing this for looks, and that’s okay.”
Meanwhile, there are also people who actively denounce deliberately losing weight for the sake of appearance, who think that any effort I make beyond “just trying to be healthy” is inherently unhealthy and psychologically disturbed and a sign that I hate myself and hate my body and hate the whole world and am determined to convert everyone to my own personal diet agenda and bring them all down with me. To which I say, “Um, no. You may interpret my interest in my appearance as a personal vice, if you want, but it’s my personal vice, it’s okay that I have it, and it’s none of your business or concern. Furthermore, you’re crazy.”
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Thanks, april!
August 31st, 2007 at 9:05 am
This thread is useless without pictures!