A modest proposal

Did you know that in Delhi, women are not allowed to serve alcohol? It’s for their own protection, you see. If a woman bartender thinks her customers have had enough and tries to cut them off, they will attack her, because Indian men are special, and incapable of controlling themselves when they drink. Or, (if you subscribe to Islamic beliefs about women and sexuality) really, any other time, either.

I suppose we shouldn’t judge them too severely, though. It’s not as if being special is unique to India. The South Koreans, for example, have a special vulnerability to being suffocated by electric fans.

I do, however, feel that the Indian government is acting completely backwards. If the men are the ones with the problem, then logically, the men are the ones who should be penalized. For starters, men should obviously never leave their homes unescorted. Think of the utter havoc droves of uncontrollable unsupervised men on the streets could wreak! Can we really afford to let it go on any further? It’s for everyone’s protection — women and men. If they’re so prone to violence against women, what, exactly, makes anyone think that they’re safe from each other, either? And clearly, it’s the men who should not be allowed to serve alcohol, or consume it.

And, of course, what could be more sensible than taking precedents from nature to manage this problem? If you cover a birdcage with a cloth, the bird will tend to calm down, won’t it? I think this strategy could easily be adapted to control unruly men. Perhaps we could fashion some sort of cloth tent-like garment — with just enough mesh in front of the face to keep them from walking into things, of course, as that could provoke temper tantrums — and require them to wear it at all times in public. For an additional level of safety, houses with men living in them should have their windows blacked out, of course.

Since the women are the ones who are capable of acting like rational human beings, they are the ones who should be given control of the government and most aspects of social life. And, after all, with the men safely locked away indoors, who else is going to do it?

And just think — with the men finally under control, the world would be a so much more peaceful place!

Tags: Muslims, Wrong