House Season 3 Episode 2 as reviewed by a conspiracy theorist
Friday, September 15th, 2006This episode has the fingerprints of THE ALIENS all over it! It starts out with what is quite possibly the longest pre-credits sequence we’ve ever seen — obviously THE ALIENS are trying to use their mind-control rays on us before the opening credits start. Clancy thinks the aliens are coming to get him. Obviously his parents are in on it… because “they’re not coming to get you, go to bed Clancy” is exactly what someone who was in on it would say!!
Meanwhile, House is still up and about with no leg pain… OR IS HE?? Is he just looking for an excuse to get back on the Vicodin… or have the ALIENS implanted something in his leg to make it hurt again?? Maybe they’ve replaced his Vicodin with MIND CONTROL PILLS!
And why are Cuddy and Wilson so convinced that House will relapse? Maybe because they’re going to MAKE him relapse, because if he can run, he can out-run the ALIENS! And clearly, they have made him relapse because every time they remind him about how he blew the last case, his leg hurts more! YES, that’s it — his evil leg-hurting implant goes off anytime someone makes him feel HUMBLE! Damaging House’s pride is dangerous to his health!!
And Cuddy and Wilson are obviously in on it. Wilson keeps droning on with his psychoanalysis speeches about House because he wants to hypnotize us into doing THE ALIENS’ bidding! And they’re saying House is going to kill a patient because THEY’RE going to kill one themselves and frame him!
Chase believes in aliens based on mathematical probability — smart man. Unfortunately for him, it also means he KNOWS TOO MUCH! I bet he’s the next one to come down with a two-parter “mystery disease”. One that will EAT HIS BRAIN to keep him from talking! And the aliens have obviously been messing with him — they’re trying to turn him black! House dares him to come up with a witty retort to Foreman, and he has to wait a few minutes while THE ALIENS program his “yo mama” chip.
Hey Foreman — yo mama so fat, when her beeper goes off, people think she’s backing up!
Obviously, it still needs work.
And — did you notice? — this episode makes much more sense than the last one, because THE ALIENS dumbed it down? How do I know that? Because, for the first time ever, I GUESSED THE DIAGNOSIS! I knew the kid was a chimera!
This episode is also refreshingly back-to-basics after the last one. But don’t be fooled — it’s just THE ALIENS trying to cover their tracks!!
