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My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us NOTHING!

Pluto has been demoted from “planet” to “dwarf planet” after some discussion of expanding the definition of “planet” to include Ceres, Charon, and 2003 UB₃₁₃. Today, they decided against it and demoted Pluto instead.

This decision will come as a blow to schoolchildren around the world, who will have to memorize a new mnemonic device, and to Stephen Colbert, who, upon hearing a few days ago that Pluto would still be classified as a planet, exclaimed on air that he “CALLED IT!!!!”