I hate censorship

So, Bridget Jones’ Diary is on cable TV tonight. I was really hoping they wouldn’t mutilate it too badly, and I guess it’s watchable, but some of the editing just drives me nuts.

Now, as Bridget says about her friend Shazzer, this movie uses the word “fuck”. A lot. That’s not allowed on TV, even cable, okay, I understand (well, actually, I don’t understand, but you know…). But why must you try to replace all the “naughty” words with clean ones? Why can’t you just bleep them, for Pete’s sake? They’ve got Shazzer saying “freakin’” instead of “fuckin’”. Come on, now. Not only does it sound incredibly stupid, but do British people even use that word? And just now, during the scene where Bridget quits her job at the publishing office, I heard them replace the line “…I’d rather have a job kissing Saddam Hussein’s ass” with — get this — “…I’d rather have a job washing Saddam Hussein’s cars”. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!

And just when I thought I’d heard everything, in the scene where Bridget is telling her friends about how Mark Darcy told her he likes her just the way she is, and Shazzer says, “Well… fuck me”, in the sanitized for TV version, she says — you guessed it — “Freak me.” That doesn’t even make sense! Couldn’t she have said something like, “Well… search me”? At least that wouldn’t have sounded completely stupid.

It’s not just movie censorship, of course. That’s just a very good example and something that tends to tick me off on a regular basis. I read, and sometimes post on, the MozillaZine Forums and you know, normally I don’t have a problem with people who want to block porn and stuff — a lot of those sites are really gross and really aggressive with the popups and they’re an excellent way to get lots and lots of malware — but the people that are just absolutely guaranteed to tick me off are the ones who want to sanitize the internet for their kids because they think they can put off the inevitable by keeping the kiddies away from pr0n. Now, first off, kids are going to encounter references to sex in this culture. It is absolutely unavoidable. Even if you think your kids are as pure as the driven snow, I can guarantee you that they have already heard stuff on the playground, seen stuff on TV, heard about stuff on the radio. You’ve got two choices. You can stick your fingers in your ears and say “LA LA LA LA sex doesn’t exist”, or you can take responsibility for your kids’ health and tell them what they need to know. You don’t need to explain rimjobs to them or anything like that. Just make sure what they know is true and accurate, not a bunch of misinformed rumors that will get them in trouble later, and make sure they don’t get the idea that they can’t talk to you or ask questions that they need answered.

And if you really think that you can keep your kids away from all the bad stuff on the internet, you’re delusional. Look, even in spite of the popups and the nastiness, if you get a decent browser with a popup blocker and a banner ad blocker, you might never have to see nasty scat porn pop up in your face. You pretty much have to look for it if you’re interested in that kind of stuff — but, if you do, it’s not all that hard to find (after all, there are only eleventy thousand million porn sites). So, if your kids are seeing porn, it means they’re curious about it, and it is your job to monitor them if you’re concerned about that sort of thing. Frankly, if a ten year old is looking at porn sites, I believe it’s either because of the novelty (and that’s gotta wear off pretty damn quick) or because they’re curious and seeking out information about this new and strange thing that’s happening in their world. Net Nanny, keyloggers, and all that other crap are no substitute for their parent looking over their shoulder and paying attention to what their kids are doing, and most kids who have any amount of computer savvy will get around them.

But anyway, I’m rambling. The point of this rant is: Parent your kids. Don’t expect the computer to do it for you! That, and fuck censorship.

Tags: The Interweb